Can you hand me a towel?

I, have a problem.

I am a sweaty beast.

I sweat any where, everywhere, all over and ALL the time. From the top of my head, the small of my back, to my ass crack, and straight down to the in-betweens of my little baby toes. I can't help it.
Am I going through menopause? Maybe i have an over active. uhhhhh, something??????
It's kinda like blushing. You can't stop it. In fact, i think that I've replaced blushing WITH sweating.

A long long time ago, I can still remember..... when i didn't walk into a store and immediately have to mop my brow, and feel the overwhelming urge to poop. (I mean, the two go hand in hand together right?) Actually, if really I truly think on it, I can't pin point the actual beginning of this whole sweating business.

I think it started out that I'd go somewhere and be a little over dressed, wind up over heating, get all sweaty and gross and have to leave. Then, it progressed to every time I'd be in a weird situation.. ya know, like flirting w. a cute guy, talking to strangers... that sort of thing. Then, I started biking.... Oh Lord help me!!!!
We'd get done w/ a particularly hard ride and I'd be drenched. I have even had to put my clothes over a fan cause they were so soaked in my girl drippings.. (ewwww)

I don't know if I will ever grow used to the sticky icky feeling that accompanies me everywhere I go.

I've been trying to think of solutions to my "little problem", but have yet to really find something good.
Maybe I need to find a little leprechaun to fan me all hours of the day. Or, better yet, a midget!
I'm also toying with the idea of trying to strap a huge fan to my body.....hmmmm..... that's gonna take some ingenuity.
What if I could fly????? I had a dream once that I was sitting on a toilet, flying...... I won't bore you with the details, but that seems like it might be a good way to keep my over active sweat glands in check.
How about if I just go naked? YEs!!!! Boobies flapping in the breeze, totally free.....
OR, I could put my clothes in the fridge before I wear them. Wait, No.. that's just plain silly.

DAMN IT!!!! Why does this have to be so fricken difficult?

so far, I like the flying idea the best. I can picture it now. Me, soaring through the skies... Not a care in the world.... Dry as the that kosher fiber cracker I ate this morning.

HEY!!! I know! I'll get two birds stoned at once and just fly naked!

No more sweating for me!