First real ride.

I'm totally stoked.
I made it all the way to work and surprisingly my ass feels indifferent to the pounding it took this morning. And, NO.... for all you pervs out there, it was not due to anything entering my butt, beyond my skinny little bike seat.
I started out really good. Glorious morning, I'm feeling that muscle memory coming back almost instantly. Very little wind.
Bike feels good.
I feel good.
About a quarter of the way I have to remind myself that this is not a race. I need to pace myself if I want to make it up all those dreaded hills and the 'what seem like forever' stretches of sidewalk.
I realized this morning that the reason half the bikers I encounter on the trail don't say, "hi" to me is because they are in their own states of misery. I get it that some bikers ride for the pure pleasure of it, others.. Well....Like me, I ride because I'm fat and out of shape, and it's summer and what the hell else am I gonna do for exercise? I ride because if I didn't, I'd weigh like 800lbs..
(What with all the boozing and eating I do.)
These guys are out there biking each morning, trying to get where they are going as fast as they can. They have no time (or breath) left to utter any sort of simple pleasantries to their fellow commuters.
However, Me?.. I love whizzing by someone and no matter how outta breath I am, yelling, "Top O the Mornin to ya!", or, something along the lines of, "Evenin' Gov'na!".
It brightens my day.
I had this fantasy about riding so fast that I would be a blur to people's vision. Well, it morphed into a pack of midgets cheering me on, spurring my legs to spin those pedals, whipping me into a biking frenzy. *Little oxygen and heavy breathing does that to you. That, and the thought of your heart imploding whilst cresting every god forsaken hill.*
Then I imagined what I truly look like. A girl sweating her ass off, trudging down the road at speeds so slow a big fat man....eating a hamburger....running backward...would pass up.
Well, maybe that's stretching it a little, but trust me, it sure feels like it when I'm going 2 miles and hour, up hill ...pumping the shit out of my flabby little legs!
No No, really... They are LEGS OF STEEL!I will CRUSH someones head with them!!
Yeah, yeah! THAT's what I'll keep telling myself.