DANGER GIRL just pointed out to me that my drunkin rants have, "nothing to do, what-so-ever with biking." To which I replied... "like I fuckin care!"
It's my gorram blog! I will do what ever I want!
So there!
and, for the record...I RARELY partake in the ganja. In fact, it is SO rare that I don't even remember how to work that bong that lives in my closet....and the pipe that co-habitates w/my dildo's in that one drawer.
Yep. RARELY.
I mean, if ever!
Scarcely touch the stuff.
yep. practically ever...
wait.. hold on... gotta take a .. uh.. um......
*cough* cough*
NOTHING!!!!
like I was sayin...
hardly ever.
DANGER GIRL is right. I should quit drunkin blogging.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
It's good to be alive.
and, YES, it is. If I really put my mind to it I think of more and more things to be thankful for.
Like, 1st) Bath time... shave your legs, trim unwanted nether region hairs, read, study..... drink champagne/wine/beer............
2nd) Good friends that look at you when your completely waisted and say, "yeah, she's like that some times! good ol' layna"....
3rd) Jobs that you really don't have to try much at.. ***I've got 2 that don't require any sorta brain power at all... I mean beyond keeping orders & people happy, it helps to alleviate my mind of all the physics and Bernoulli's theorem.......****
4th)Children leaving the house & gaining independence. Need I say more? Beyond the fact that I'm going to have to get someone to clean the cat boxes now...AND motivate me to go to the gym. crap! I'm gonna be fat forever!!!
5th)Uninterrupted weed smoking! ** the only down-fall to that is, I will have to procure my own weed from now on.(damn it!) Not like I don't know where to get it, it's just waaaay easier to find it on the ground in front of my daughters window...(cause her dumb b.f. is too stoned to realize it fell outta his pockets... ha ha ha ha ha! )
Monday, April 27, 2009
122 posts..
THAT is my goal.
You see, FEMALE JIM started a blog awhile ago and it never got past 122 posts.
When she started it, the dream was alive, it burned in our guts like fire!
Yet, 122 posts later....the magic number arrived and one stormy night it got into a really bad drunkin 'blog' accident .....No one bailed it outta jail and it spent a week there because it couldn't afford the fines. Once free the downward spiral resulted in it neglecting to arrive for court hearings and eventually (of course) skipping community service.
Not to mention, there never was a way to pay those lingering medical bills.......
SO, eventually rather than live on the dole, sucking the life force of every hard working stiff that ever got drunk and blogged, F.JIM logged on one day and (for the betterment of all mankind) pulled the plug......
No one ever held a service...
But, I want you all to know that I mourned.
I mean, not so much that I felt the need to send flowers.. still....
I mourned the loss of my drunkin forum.
My ONE outlet.
My catalyst to make all my drinkin 'ok' in the eyes of the lord. Well, AND the unwashed masses that really enjoyed living vicariously through our antics.
the story behind CHOWDER HEAD??? Now THAT is classic.
Either way. It's dead now. We all must hike up our britches and move the fuck on.
Which is what I have done.
I have 'brithed' (as MY LITTLE BLACK RAIN CLOUD so frequently misspells it) A New! Better! More improved blog!
I know I can never replace the empty spot left by CHOWDER HEAD IS DRUNK AGAIN, but I can, at the very least give my best effort to keeping our 1 or 2 readers entertained with my bad grammar and punctuation.
Sincerely Yours,
SOME OFFICE GUYS SIDE KICK
You see, FEMALE JIM started a blog awhile ago and it never got past 122 posts.
When she started it, the dream was alive, it burned in our guts like fire!
Yet, 122 posts later....the magic number arrived and one stormy night it got into a really bad drunkin 'blog' accident .....No one bailed it outta jail and it spent a week there because it couldn't afford the fines. Once free the downward spiral resulted in it neglecting to arrive for court hearings and eventually (of course) skipping community service.
Not to mention, there never was a way to pay those lingering medical bills.......
SO, eventually rather than live on the dole, sucking the life force of every hard working stiff that ever got drunk and blogged, F.JIM logged on one day and (for the betterment of all mankind) pulled the plug......
No one ever held a service...
But, I want you all to know that I mourned.
I mean, not so much that I felt the need to send flowers.. still....
I mourned the loss of my drunkin forum.
My ONE outlet.
My catalyst to make all my drinkin 'ok' in the eyes of the lord. Well, AND the unwashed masses that really enjoyed living vicariously through our antics.
the story behind CHOWDER HEAD??? Now THAT is classic.
Either way. It's dead now. We all must hike up our britches and move the fuck on.
Which is what I have done.
I have 'brithed' (as MY LITTLE BLACK RAIN CLOUD so frequently misspells it) A New! Better! More improved blog!
I know I can never replace the empty spot left by CHOWDER HEAD IS DRUNK AGAIN, but I can, at the very least give my best effort to keeping our 1 or 2 readers entertained with my bad grammar and punctuation.
Sincerely Yours,
SOME OFFICE GUYS SIDE KICK
Friday, April 24, 2009
My ass fricken hurts!
And, NO. It's not from a night of marvellous 'ass play' either. We decided yesterday that rain or shine we were getting the bikes out and riding.
So, it rained and we biked. and biked.. and biked...
Needless to say, it's totally true! If you don't use it you lose it. My sweet calloused bike ass from last summer is gone. It was replaced by some strangers ass. It's still as soft and supple as it ever was but strangely, with no tolerance for a bike seat being shoved up there. I had no clue! I figured once I had established a good firm foundation to certain items lodged between my precious cheeks, I'd be able to handle anything....
nope.
Yesterday's ride was proof of that.
Today I can barely sit, let alone think about mounting that bike again any time soon.
So please, for the love of god! SOME ONE just come and kiss my ass!
It'll make it feel better, I swear!
So, it rained and we biked. and biked.. and biked...
Needless to say, it's totally true! If you don't use it you lose it. My sweet calloused bike ass from last summer is gone. It was replaced by some strangers ass. It's still as soft and supple as it ever was but strangely, with no tolerance for a bike seat being shoved up there. I had no clue! I figured once I had established a good firm foundation to certain items lodged between my precious cheeks, I'd be able to handle anything....
nope.
Yesterday's ride was proof of that.
Today I can barely sit, let alone think about mounting that bike again any time soon.
So please, for the love of god! SOME ONE just come and kiss my ass!
It'll make it feel better, I swear!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
I know that many of you are wondering "What happened to DANGERGIRLS legs?"
Thank you to SIDEKICK for posting those pics.
The ass one is just a bonus for those of you who are on the fence about our blog. If you want to keep the loyal readers you have to show some tits and ass on occasion.
Well with the winter and all, one might say, I had a touch of "Cabin Fever".
The story goes something like this...............
I awoke one Wednesday morning, the sun was shinning, and the winter birds were singing there last song of the season. It was a day like no other.
As I was driving my youngins to school that morning, the most amazing idea came into my mind. I should go for a bike ride today.
On my return trip, I looked at the trails and thought to my self, " SELF, they are clear enough to ride!"
I had a vision in my minds eye of were I wanted my journey to take me. Somewhere with little tree coverage, and lots of sunlight.
I waited until high noon, and then ventured into my garage. It was like falling in love all over again. Hanging from the ceiling, my bike.
Diligent and patiently it had waited six months for me to return!
Here is were it gets good.....
Excited I ran to her, I clutched her handle bars. So familiar, not to big, not to small. Just the right size for my longing hands.
Excited, I slipped my leg over her ample seat, and slowly, very slowly lowered myself upon her.
As my weight was fully upon her, I looked down, making sure that the pressure was just enough. A little on the soft side, but completely and totally workable.
I carefully reached for my helmet, and cautiously placed it upon my eager head.
Without a word, I positioned her downhill, and with all of my weight, and excitement, hopped on her, and took off.
It started out as the ride of my life. She was responsive, submissive, yet dominant. I felt her need to please, her longing to be ridden hard, and be put away wet.
No more than 7 minutes into the ride of my life, she started to turn. A little at first, a slip here, a recovery, and then WHAM, the bitch , cold stone, bucked me off!
Before I knew what was happening, I was lying on the ice, pain pulsing through my entire body.
I forced myself to get it together. I got to my feet, grabbed her by the same grips I had held with care , not ten minutes before. Threw my full weight into her, and pounded her home.
It has been a week, and I miss her. It was only one bad ride.
Thank you to SIDEKICK for posting those pics.
The ass one is just a bonus for those of you who are on the fence about our blog. If you want to keep the loyal readers you have to show some tits and ass on occasion.
Well with the winter and all, one might say, I had a touch of "Cabin Fever".
The story goes something like this...............
I awoke one Wednesday morning, the sun was shinning, and the winter birds were singing there last song of the season. It was a day like no other.
As I was driving my youngins to school that morning, the most amazing idea came into my mind. I should go for a bike ride today.
On my return trip, I looked at the trails and thought to my self, " SELF, they are clear enough to ride!"
I had a vision in my minds eye of were I wanted my journey to take me. Somewhere with little tree coverage, and lots of sunlight.
I waited until high noon, and then ventured into my garage. It was like falling in love all over again. Hanging from the ceiling, my bike.
Diligent and patiently it had waited six months for me to return!
Here is were it gets good.....
Excited I ran to her, I clutched her handle bars. So familiar, not to big, not to small. Just the right size for my longing hands.
Excited, I slipped my leg over her ample seat, and slowly, very slowly lowered myself upon her.
As my weight was fully upon her, I looked down, making sure that the pressure was just enough. A little on the soft side, but completely and totally workable.
I carefully reached for my helmet, and cautiously placed it upon my eager head.
Without a word, I positioned her downhill, and with all of my weight, and excitement, hopped on her, and took off.
It started out as the ride of my life. She was responsive, submissive, yet dominant. I felt her need to please, her longing to be ridden hard, and be put away wet.
No more than 7 minutes into the ride of my life, she started to turn. A little at first, a slip here, a recovery, and then WHAM, the bitch , cold stone, bucked me off!
Before I knew what was happening, I was lying on the ice, pain pulsing through my entire body.
I forced myself to get it together. I got to my feet, grabbed her by the same grips I had held with care , not ten minutes before. Threw my full weight into her, and pounded her home.
It has been a week, and I miss her. It was only one bad ride.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Yeah, it really is.....
I have children. and not just ANY children. THE SPAWN OF THE DEVIL.. wait.. Not quite, they are actually pretty good damn'd kids.
AND, I have spent the last 18 or so years trying to abuse them in the right ways. Beat them when I should, hug them when they deserved it.. making them tickle my back and massage my shoulders when ever I can finagle it. But still.
Here I sit.. Writing this blog.. Looking directly at a fucking eat'n apple core. Snuggled up like it belongs right next to my key board. I keep looking, then laughing... Thinking about where I went wrong.???
Did I fail in mentioning one day that the remainder of eaten food should probably go in the trash? I mean, hell! it's a good thing we don't live in a place like Hawaii, where the ants will invade.
We live in Alaska! The cats are NOT interested in the fuckin apple core, and for that matter neither am I!
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Thank you
I know there is....like, Uh.... at least 2 committed readers..So, BTW, thanks dude/s/ettes!!!
Here's to you!
I am privileged to award.......
The first annual!!!!!!!!
Steady Fuckin Ding Dong Reader Prize.
Award it to yerself accordingly, cause personally........
I'm to lazy to do it myself.
GET your fuckin ass outta my face!
SHIT! The cat keeps walking right in front of my face.... back and forth... back and forth... making sure she pushes her ass right up under my nose.. every time. I will kill her.
soon..... I swear.
It's been a long day.
It's late.
I flew again today.
Wait.
Did I tell you people I'm learning to fly?
No?
Well, I am. It's my next career step. My Dr. is retiring someday and honestly,. I have no interest in pursuing another career in dentistry..
I neeed FREEDOM,
I know, your saying, "what about all that free floss and stuff??"
Well, fuck thAT SHIT!
I can buy my own floss. PLUS, once I master my skills I'll be able to get in a plane and leave this GOD FORSAKEN country upon a whim...
SO THERE. HA. I'll still floss. AND brush.
How many people can say that?
Well, Not me.... YET.. But soon. I'm gonna.
then, I'll give all you hillbillies $10.00 rides up and over yonder barn so you can get a thrill...
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
what makes it ok?
Well, I'm almost done w/ my bottle of wine and I had a thought that I may be neglecting the '1' (very special you are) reader we do have...So, here I am.
Half drunk. Half writing.. half slurring...
See??? That's what you people get! Especially when I am free to write AND espouse.. Damn, ! I need a thesaurus! Then you'll think I'm really smart! HA!
Wait. You already do, I know it!
Maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part, maybe not.
Maybe it's the booze talking.
hmmmm.
I'd like to thank the lesbians that came to my house last night and left the wine I'm drinking now. Seven Daughters, California blend, pure goodness.
I like lesbians.
I also like food.
Both, make me happy. Extremely happy.
GEEEzze.!!.
Wait, I mean, cheese!
I love cheese too!
This could just turn into a list of crap I really really like. Who's stopping me???? huh? I dare you! I have knifes! and, I'll CUT YOU!
let's see.....
....................not necessarily in this order.
wine
games of all sorts
goats
cheese
vodka
baths
moisturizer
riding my bike
fires (big ones and small ones)
the woods
adventure
good books
driving cars really fast
Socratic discussion
I could go on and on....
I suppose my skewed sensibilities prevent me from writing anything too, uh....risque.... and, YES. I do have some.(sensibilities that is)
SOME. ok, ok.. a few..
I may have to search for them, but they are there.
Either way.
I do hold back somewhat, just trust me. If you people knew the half of the shitOLA I want to blather away about right now.. BOY, you'd be sorry!
You see, my problem is, I get drunk and I get all nostalgic. I start listening to meaningful music and it always seems to be the most prolifically, wonderful, best thing I've ever heard, and in turn,I want to share it with you.
(my sweet, dedicated, insightful reader)
........then inevitably, I end up babbling..
Evil, Evil cycle!
I should invest in the development of some sort of wine chastity belt. Or, maybe a finger chastity belt.
Half drunk. Half writing.. half slurring...
See??? That's what you people get! Especially when I am free to write AND espouse.. Damn, ! I need a thesaurus! Then you'll think I'm really smart! HA!
Wait. You already do, I know it!
Maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part, maybe not.
Maybe it's the booze talking.
hmmmm.
I'd like to thank the lesbians that came to my house last night and left the wine I'm drinking now. Seven Daughters, California blend, pure goodness.
I like lesbians.
I also like food.
Both, make me happy. Extremely happy.
GEEEzze.!!.
Wait, I mean, cheese!
I love cheese too!
This could just turn into a list of crap I really really like. Who's stopping me???? huh? I dare you! I have knifes! and, I'll CUT YOU!
let's see.....
....................not necessarily in this order.
wine
games of all sorts
goats
cheese
vodka
baths
moisturizer
riding my bike
fires (big ones and small ones)
the woods
adventure
good books
driving cars really fast
Socratic discussion
I could go on and on....
I suppose my skewed sensibilities prevent me from writing anything too, uh....risque.... and, YES. I do have some.(sensibilities that is)
SOME. ok, ok.. a few..
I may have to search for them, but they are there.
Either way.
I do hold back somewhat, just trust me. If you people knew the half of the shitOLA I want to blather away about right now.. BOY, you'd be sorry!
You see, my problem is, I get drunk and I get all nostalgic. I start listening to meaningful music and it always seems to be the most prolifically, wonderful, best thing I've ever heard, and in turn,I want to share it with you.
(my sweet, dedicated, insightful reader)
........then inevitably, I end up babbling..
Evil, Evil cycle!
I should invest in the development of some sort of wine chastity belt. Or, maybe a finger chastity belt.
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