A friendly note to my Homeowners Association

I would like to share a letter with you, written to my Homeowners Association. This has nothing to do with biking, but I feel it is worthy of sharing.

To whom it may concern:

I would like to take a moment to apologize, for not addressing all of the 5 citations in a more timely manner.Let me address them now.

Citation #1
Trash can in front of garage

Resolution:
Corrected day of notice

Citation #2
Trash can on balcony $200.00 fine, do to previous offense

Resolution:
Contacted your office via E-mail stating that 1) it is not a trash can 2) it has been on my porch for 6 yrs. 3)these are not the same offenses there for I should not receive this fine of $200.00

Your response:
To send me a letter arriving after the date, stating I had missed my hearing

My response:
How can I attend a hearing I have no idea I am supposed to be at days before. I apologize, but my time machine is broken, and Micheal J. Fox is backed up, do to his illness.

Citation #3
My grass is to brown

My response:
I am not fucking Mother Nature, and cannot control the sun to rain ratio. I was going to stop by Lowes and pick up some harmful chemicals, and fertilizer, but do to time constraints that I will address later, it was difficult . Also I would like to remind you that for 9 months out of the year my yard is piled with the neighborhoods snow, thus the 3 months it has to grow, are a little rough.

Citation #4
Not stating in writing my intention to paint $500.00 fine

My response:
Due to my dyslexia, sometimes I don't completely, comprehend things that I read. I know, I know, not excusable . How ever 500.00 bucks is pretty stinkin steep. How am I supposed to pay a painter when you fine me half the cost of painting. further more, I had a shiest y Mexican on the line , but he took the neighbors money, and ran back to Tijiauana to get some more blo.

Citation #5
Removing the wire runner line from my front porch $100.00 fine

My Response:
Article VII Section 7.2 only states that I will maintane my fence, and porch. It says nothing to the effect of the wire runner. Upon inspection I find it to be in good working order, not rusty and able to withstand the impact of my 125lb pooch charging at full speed. I recomend your snitch attach themselves to it, and run at full speed, I am sure they will find it in good working condition.

In closing, I would like to say, I am sorry for not addressing these issues in more depth sooner. The summer has slipped away from me. These issues you have with my unit, have unfortanatly taken a backseat to the hum drum, of my everyday life.

What with dealing with the attempted suicide of my drug addicted , psychopathic, mother, and the unfortunate need for her to come "home".

Let me also not forget my dear friend, the self proclaimed alcoholic, who flipped her truck a week later. Now I am her bitch, and have even more errands to run.

Oh yeah, and the sudden, and tragic death of my beloved kitty Ernie, if I would have known that he would have been dead by midnight, I would have let him suffer, and die at home, instead of spending my painting money on trying to save him.

So at the end of a long day, working sometimes 10 and 12 hour days, I try to convince the kids, that watering our brown lawn is fun, they disagree, demanding dinner, and my attention.

Thank the Gods, for the rain, it has helped to relieve one small burden for me.

So, fuck off , and die! Stay the fuck away from my yard, and when I remove my runner line , I will teach my Mastiff to shit in your yard.

Fuck off!
DANGERGIRL

Dear SIDEKICK........

So SIDEKICK keeps bloging saying how she wants to be a pothead. Well let me tell you, my loyal reader, that is not the case! For two days, I have been trying to get her to smokeses the weed with me, and to my dismay, she will not.

This leaves me to smokeses the weed alone...... (so sad) Well don't get me wrong, she hangs with me in the woods, and helps to fend off The Rabid Bear Dog. But alas, I still smoke.

So I get into my stoned, biking groove, alone. (insert weeping here)

I have amazing epiphanies, I find the rhythm of the peddling to be soothing to my frazzled nerves. And all the while, I imagine that my loyal biking partner, is on the same page.

Well to my regret, she is not, and has no idea, what the hell I am trying desperately to explain to her, nor does she have the time, or patience to listen. Dirty Bitch!

SIDEKICK, this time it is I, DANGERGIRL, that is reaching out to you. You, my loyal biking, drinking, and potsmoking friend, are SLIPPING!

Your just not the same dedicated, committed, individual that you used to be. Are you on the straight and narrow? Do you need Prozac? A healthy box chowing? What is it?

Come on, smokeses the weed with me! I miss biking high with you. Remember the creek? Do you?

Let's have a stoned adventure!