Ride or Die!!!!!!

And just like that it's summer!

Today I went to see my BRAZILIAN friend. You know the one! The one I pay to see. Well as she is ripping away, she says "So are you gardening, planting flowers or anything?" My reply "I don't have time for that kind of shit, it's biking season!"


As usual, this time of year by brain becomes obsessed, and possessed by...... You got it, SEX! Oh wait, I meant, BIKING! (and SEX) Hmmmm........ Sex Biking! Ok, ok, maybe I'll just wear my bike helmet the next time I have sex. Safety first! Right?


Speaking of helmets and safety.

So the other morning,
No, not the one were I apparently sucked ass, and SIDEKICK, alone, almost got taken out by the tard bus.
No, a morning or two before that one. We roll up to our bikes day chalet, aka; pump room, lightbulb storage, Large Metal Pole For No Known Purpose, and finally THE DOC's smoking room.

Well on this particular day, SIDEKICK puts her bike in first, and as I wait outside, I witness the unimaginable happen. SK is struggling with balancing her bike, and not ripping someones phone lines out, unaware of the fact that she has upset the balance of the Large Metal Pole With No Known Purpose.

Me, in slow motion: Nooooooooooo, SssssIiiiiiiiiDdddddEeeeKkkkkIiiiiiiCcccccKkkkk, looooooook oooooooouuuu..............t

SIDEKICK, (think angry midget): OUCH! FUCK! What the fuck!

Thank the bums, she had her helmet on, and well, it landed on her shoulder.
Being the tough gal that she is , she has only complained to my uncompassionate self once.
Needless to say, I don't forsee, angry midget, pole dancing in her future! Just sayin.


So our new game of Name That Biker, keeps the rides light, and the laughter rolling. Here is some pointers to help you in identifying said bikers.


The Fashion Biker:

Rides a cruiser, or some other type of upright bike.
Does not wear a helmet, but has flowers, or some kind of large hair excessory. (yeah, like a fucking flower is gonna save your brain piece. The paramedics will be so impressed by your bloody flower floating in your empty skull)
Wears dresses, or designer capris, and European shoes.

The Smart Fashion Biker:

See above, and add a helmet, with long hair carefully draped over shoulder.
Oh yeah, and these bitches NEVER sweat!


The Snob Biker:

Rides a street bike (or as kids, we called them 10 speeds)sometimes seen on a mountain bike Outer Space helmet
Spandex
Clip in biking shoes
Fly sunglasses
No facial expression
Never says" Hello", and all around thinks all other's are biking, pond scum


The Trust Fund Biker:


Like a Fashion Biker , but much happier.
They are biking to feel
They will spot you a Starbucks if they are in line behind you, when you realize you left your wallet in your purse, and not your backpack.


The Bone Breaker:

Almost everytime they ride, they break a leg! Nuff said!


This my friends should get you going, I will add to this as I roll along. Have a great day, and for Bums sake DO YOU SEE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I almost got hit....

By the "intellectually challenged" bus.
He wasn't looking, I swear! I had a good clip going, beating, DANGER GIRL.....
She sometimes finds those gradual slopes a challenge. Or, more accurately, an ideal chance to catch her breath.
Today is day 3, that we've honed in on our muscles.. Really felt them....
Makin' dem a part of what/who we are...
Go ahead, FEEL my legs~! They are like steel! I will crush you!
Put your head between them! DO IT!!!
any whoo....
DANGER GIRL has takin to naming all the bikers we pass.
It's kinda fun...
We've got:
DUI Biker
CAN'T AffORD IT biker
Snob BIKER
Style Biker
Long Distance Biker
Fashion biker
Smart fashion biker
Cute biker
Really CUTE BIKER
MANcercizer biker
Bum biker
Novice biker
Yuppie biker
3 X DUI biker
Gay biker
TRYING really HARD bIKER
Big Butt Biker
And where do you ask, do I fit in this list?
Well, I can identify with more than one, but mostly, I'm just,
a Fat chick trying to exercise, biker...
Don't mind me if I sweat on you while I pass.
You know that hill you just flew down?
Yeah, well I'm huffin and puffin up it.
No judgment. Right?