Awwwww Shit.

So. I'm on my 3rd, or, maybe my 5th.. drink of the evening.
(Who's counting, right???)
I swear, you start early, USUALLY you finish early.
Not tonight though.
Tonight.
I am on a ROLL.
(AND, I'm tellin ya, I only speak in CAPITALS when I actually mean it)

SISTER & I collaborated, this 29th day of our Lord, 2008. (ok.ok. I've been reading Old English novels and wanted to incorporate it in)

**BTW, Which really means that she did all the work and I fiddled around trying to look busy whilst (another reference to the OL'.E.) getting to claim some credit for actually doing shit....***

HEY!!!! I actually DID DO some shit..Yeps....
(I mean really, I DID take a couple of shits.) But, beyond THAT. ahh, emm....

I cut some bread.
I cut some other stuff up.
I, uh........
I DEEEManded Beer.
I bossed MINI ME around.
I lit some candles.
I washed a shit ton of dishes.
I peed.
I drank beer.
I made MashApOtatOES;said like this:Mash~A~Poe~TAY~toes(say it in a monster voice)
I watched SISTER and learned.
really??????
I DID learn stuff!!!!I swear!
Ohhhhh! I also made some sweet turkey, wild rice, creamy deelicious soup.


I suppose though what it really boils down to is that when all is said and done, whom ever keeps the dishes up, gets to say, HEY!!!! They too, were a part of the whole process.
I am proud to be that person.

There is nothing better to me than having a bunch of incapacitated people, so full from their own gluttony that they have nothing better to do than thank me for their big fat guts.

I derive SO much pleasure from that.

Does that make me a bad person? NO. It Doesn't.
I will eventaully rule you ALL through your guts.. I'll DO IT!!
Do not doubt my ambition.
(You will all bow to my culinary skills!!!)
*******I just need to sharpen my knife over here in the corner for a minute... Don't watch. ****

Trust me. You will one day lie back in complete contentment as a direct result of a deeeelicious meal I have just created.....and.......
THEN, and only then, will I pounce.
It will be unexpected.
AND, I suspect you will shit your pants!!!
(I DO have diapers for such an occasion)


I get ahead of myself though.
Do not be afraid.

I'd hate to scare all of you unsuspecting diners.

YES.

Come to my house.

EAT my food.

I can at least guarantee that you'll like it.
And, if you leave wearing a diaper...
I swear!
I won't be the one to tell.

(That you are now my minion)
AH AH HA HA HA AH HAHA