Cover your ears children..

Yesterdays ride to the "new" bike shop..

Me: "FUCK! My chain is off. Shit! DANGER GIRL, I need some help."
DANGER GIRL: "Turn it over. FUCK! Piece of Shit! Mother fucker! Fuck!
ME: "Here let me try. FUCK! God damn mother fucking piece of crap! Common!
Let me get my screw driver out."
DANGER GIRL: "You know why your chain keeps falling off? Cause this hunk of shit was made in China. Look. Right there, it says it..."
ME: "GOD. fuck. SHIT. Oh, ok there we go..."

2 feet later....

ME: FUCK! I can't stop. Oh fuck!! I'm gonna crash! Ok..... Turn this fucker over again.. DANGER GIRL help me! I've already got the screw driver out! NO! Put the front on first. Alright! Here we go again!"

15 feet later....

ME: "FUCK!! This is getting old. I'm gonna throw this fucking bike into traffic. Either that, or the chain is gonna come off and I'll just careen straight into it and die."
DANGER GIRL: "Don't worry SIDEKICK, it'll soon be over. Let's just limp it along.. There we go!"

30 feet from the bike shop.....

ME: "GOD DAMN IT! FUCK! That is it! I bet those sons-of-bitches bike jockeys are in there laughing at me. I can't believe I paid SO much fucking money for this lemon. They are gonna get it. I'm going to make them pay for my suffering. They will now witness the WRATH OF SIDEKICK!!!"
DANGER GIRL: "Almost! Common!"




Today: I LOVE my bike again!